A New Day

Ending a relationship is much like anything else we have to quit.  Be it smoking, losing weight, eating less, they are all things that require self discipline.  Learning to break the daily habits and make new habits is an adjustment in which we have to make when leaving a relationship. Changing dinner times, what you eat will be different, who you talk to will be different.  Even simple trips to Walmart or the grocery store change. 

There will be those nights you wake up at 2am and reach over to touch the man you loved so deeply only to realize your still sleeping and he is no longer there.  That spot is an easy on to fill for those looking for the warmth of another human being.  However the heart even when that spot is filled can remain a habitual creature in which remains and has a dire need to redirect.  Love sometimes takes a long time to die.  

One will realize you can focus on the things that were most precious to carry you through the heartache of any anger in which might have lingered for a time.  You have dispelled the anger and hold it no longer.  You treasure the moments where you thought this is the one.  That he was your one.  The thoughts you had before he showed the real person he was inside.  And you let those bad thoughts drift to a place in which you forgive, and just need to forget. Life is about love and precious times. If you have had them than that day of your life was worth it.  

Soul mates bring changes in one another in which sometimes cannot be faced.  Sometimes with our soul mates the fact that we have this person figured out is blinding and damaging to one another.  Soul mates read on your face, hear in your words, and love by your actions.  We each bring our soul mates a bit of truth that they sometimes cannot swallow.  Sometimes it takes years for a soul mate to realize the value in the person who sat before them.  And there are other times those soul mates will part with one feeling justified in the negative actions in which took place. One soul mate is usually an open book while the other can never fully open them to a negative in the mirror.

Last week the air was crisp and the fire in the pit was warm against the cool winds blowing in. I lay on his dock thinking about what a good man he was and wishing that I loved him the way I should.  For years he has loved me for just exactly who I am.  For years he has been by my side and never failed me when I needed him the most.  And more than once he has brought me back to life with the unconditional love in which he gives me.  This is a man who would never harm me mentally or physically for anything in this world.  I would never have to worry about another thing.  I would never have to mistrust this man.  And sadly I know I am the one who is wrong for taking comfort in him.  I have been honest when I tell him I love someone else.  And he understands.  He understands that I have a habit to break.

Tonight I came home to my familiar bed and familiar pillows. I need the time to put my head into perspective and to break the old habits that follow me like a ghost.  My heart is warm and good and when I wake in the morning it is a new day.  A new I and I am not afraid of the change. I look forward to where it is going and cannot wait to see what love brings me next.